Saturday, May 31, 2008

Kimbo Slice

I'm watching the Kimbo Slice MMA fight NJ right now. This guy is huge and scary, and apparently pretty good. This is the first of his Elite XC fights that I've seen and he's faring well. Tonight he's taking on James Thompson. MMA is getting bigger and bigger. UFC has the Ultimate Fighter on Spike and tonight's Elite XC fight is on CBS.

For those that don't know, MMA is mixed martial arts (UFC is arguably the most popular) where you fight inside a cage utilizing a variety of of fighting styles. Kimbo Slice is a fight who gained notoriety through underground fights posted online. He's pretty badass but the question was could he really be an MMA fight. HOLY CRAP -- he's just almost literally punched Thompson's ear off! Kimbo wins. I guess that answers it - he's now 3-0.

Kimbo was on his back and in a bit of trouble in the first round. It was more of a brawling fight than Kimbo's normal fights but in the end he came through. Kimbo won in the 3rd round via TKO. I don't know what happened but Thompson's ear was HUGE and Kimbo popped it which poured blood everywhere, it was ridiculous. He's got some pretty ridic punches. He could probably punch a baseball and get a home run.

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Friday, May 30, 2008

Mommy Why Is There A Server In The House?

This was shown to me yesterday. If you go to Circuit City's website and browse home servers there's apparently a PDF that they have on the page explaining why having a server at home is good. You can get to the PDF buy clicking HERE and scrolling down.

It's a ridiculous book aimed at children which helps them cope with issues such as other kids making fun of them for having a server at home instead of in an office. Finally someone is helping kids cope with these issues! I highly suggest that you read this. It says things like "When a mommy and daddy love each other very much the daddy wants to give the mommy a special he buys a stay-at-home server" and "Offices are why big people get grumpy and say bad words."

Check out the complete slideshow online HERE (thanks Gizmodo).

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Star Wars Gansta Rap Videos

I'm rather busy today so I don't have much time to post one of my glorious and insightful posts. So instead you get two Star Wars gangster rap videos.

Unfortunately I couldn't find the cartoon version on YouTube for some reason so I had to link to Atom Films who forces you to visit their site.

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Striped Chips Ahoy!

Does anyone remember these things? Striped Chips Ahoy! were quite possibly the greatest cookies every created, rivaling that of the almighty black and white cookie. For those of you who like the weird red/green/yellow cookie thing, that's just ridiculous and they are terrible. No one seems to remember these...what a shame.

These cookies were Jesusly delicious.

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Monday, May 26, 2008

Weezer - Pork and Beans Video

Holiday weekends equal lazy posting habits. So here's the new video from Weezer for the song Pork and Beans of the upcoming Red Album. I love it. It's a great song and the video is awesome too. The video is a spoof of a bunch of popular YouTube vids (even though South Park really beat them on this). You have to see all the related videos to to truly enjoy the Weezer one. I don't have them all but some of them are: dramatic chipmunk, mentos experiment, afro ninja, GI Joe PSA, 155 t-shirts, leave britney alone, all your base are belong to us, Miss South Carolina, Numa Numa, crank that dance, evolution of dance, chocolate rain, popozao, daft hands, daft bodies, peanut butter jelly time, and charlie the unicorn (in the background at the end).

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Friday, May 23, 2008

Stop Celebrity Name Mashups

Dear Guy Who Creates Celebrity Couple Name Mashups,

If you ever create another couple mashup name like "brangelina" or "tomkat" I will come find you and smash your face in. Seriously, it's the most annoying thing ever. I've seen things where they'll take two people's names and just remove spaces from in between them, let's say Tiffany Smith and Alex Johnson and they'll be like "oh their new name is alexandtiffaayjohnsonsmith." Really? This is very irritating to me and it's got to stop.

I'm pretty sure that you are single-handedly destroying society. If you continue to do this I hope you fall onto a pile a searing hot rusty things.

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The Cleveland Show

Well Quahog's local deli owner Cleveland Brown is getting his own show. I wonder what it'll be like. Cartoon character spin offs are amusing and apparently he's living somewhere with a family of bears living next door. It probably won't be as good as Family Guy but most likely better than American Dad.

Watch the video with it's nice song. Cleveland would do it for you.

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

American Idol is Terrible

I didn't get around to a post yesterday, so let me apologize to my loyal reader. Now on to American Idol.

Can someone tell me what the big deal is with American Idol? Do fans of the show claim to be fans of "good music" and that's why they watch it? Wasn't there a rock guy once and a country person and most people are just pop music? I don't mind pop music when it's good or catchy, maybe even just acceptable but we're getting ridiculous here.

I don't understand it. Everyone sits there and watches unknown people sing other peoples songs and everyone loves it no matter what people sing. What's even worse is that they just stand there, it's not like there's some big spectacle going on. It doesn't matter if you win as long as you're just on the show. People seem to buy whatever the show tells them to. You could probably have an American Idol radio station where the songs are only from people who have been on the show and it would probably get good ratings. Even is a single is good I'm sure they couldn't sustain an entire album.

Music is in a terrible state as it is. I don't see why people can't find their own music this day and age. Find something you actually like and not what TV tells you to like. I just don't get it. It's certainly NOT good music. This is like a Josie and the Pussycats movie mind control thing (shut up it's a fun movie). Kelly Clarkson is kind of nice though, in pop terms.

Hey American Idol fans, I heard there's a big concert going on at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Just find the highest point and jump to get to it. It'll be nice...for everyone.

In other news, apparently New Kids on the Block are popular again. Okay.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Dumb stars, spoiled brats and PETA

So apparently a few weeks ago, Lindsay Lohan was at 1OAK in NYC and let with some random broad's fur coat. The coast something like $10,000 - and for that fact alone the owner should be punched in the face. Also, it's May, its not like 10 degrees out. I don't know but isn't a fur coat supposed to provide warmth?

So she got her coat back and is now suing Lindsay Lohan for "damages." Come on now. She sounds like she'll be a great asset to society in the future.

The kicker here is that not PETA has allegedly sent a letter to this woman (I guess her name is Mash Markova) blabbing that you can't own fur because it's animals blah blah blah. F'ing Christ PETA, shut the F up. PETA you are stupid and probably don't get invited to a lot of parties.

Here's the letter that PETA sent:

To: Masha Markova, c/o Merrill Cohen

Dear Ms. Markova,

We at PETA have read with interest about your distress over Lindsay Lohan supposedly stealing your fur coat. Has it ever occurred to you that neither you nor Lindsay are the rightful owners? That coat belonged to dozens of animals who were electrocuted, gassed, strangled, drowned or beaten to death just so you could try to appear wealthy. Ms. Markova, people who wear fur simply show that having money and style don’t go hand in hand. Please take 5 minutes to watch this video, hosted by former fur wearer Martha Stewart, who had a change of heart about wearing real fur when she saw what the animals go through. Perhaps you, too, will find your conscience and consider donating your fur coat to PETA, as have Mariah Carey, Kim Cattrall, and hundreds of others who don’t want animals to be fashion victims. We give them to the homeless, and you would even receive a tax credit for the donation. We look forward to your reply.

Dan Mathews

*I am not a news source and am only commenting on items that I have seen in the mainstream media. I also don't believe that seals and/or fuzzy animals should be punched in their faces/heads.

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Monday, May 19, 2008

Mustaches AGAIN!!!

Holy God man! On my way home today I saw another woman who had a mustache. It looked though that she at least tried to get rid of shaving it. So I was standing there staring at this woman's face that looks like she just came out of a poor excuse for a Schick commercial. Now the question here is if you're a woman and have a mustache and shave/wax/pluck/whatever it, do you not notice when it starts to grow back? That might be even worse. Come on ladies!

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Wii Are Fat

Man how lazy is everyone that we have to be tricked into exercising. Wii Fit comes out this week (maybe today, who knows). For those that don't know, it's a game that lets you do yoga, push ups, jogging and other "fun" exercises. That's right push ups are fun. In the picture above you see kids who are "playing soccer." Why don't they just actually play soccer? Is everyone going to just stay home from now on and virtually do things? It's an interesting game and I can see lots of ways it can be used but even the things that promote being active still locks you inside in front of a TV. I bet a lot of people stop going outdoors and "socialize" with their friends online and compete there.

It's likely that even though this game promotes exercise, we'll still see more kids that end up looking like this:

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Sunday, May 18, 2008

Party! Pizza Party!

Hahaha! Who remembers the game Pizza Party from the 80s?

Party! Pizza Party! What a great commercial.

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Saturday, May 17, 2008

Lucky Boys Confusion

Time for another music post. Check out the band Lucky Boys Confusion.

You might know their song Bossman from a Wrigley's gum commercial, which is a shame because they're so much better than that. I posted a live video below but you should really check out their mastered stuff on their website or MySpace. Personally, "Breaking Rules" "Do you Miss Me" and "Fred Astaire" are some of my favorites.

Performing their song Fred Astaire:

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Friday, May 16, 2008

Cash 4 Gold

Have you seen the commercial for cash4gold? The commercial explains that's the company buys old gold jewelry from you and then melts it down and resells it. It's really cheesy and looks like part of either an infomercial or some 80s novelty item commercial.

One of the testimonials is from a woman who sold her old wedding ring, so that's nice. The most annoying part comes from a woman so says, in a terrible voice "I had no idea my old gold jewelry was worth so much money." WHAT?! I might understand that she didn't know that gold prices are near an all time high, but I'm also supposed to buy that she was unaware that both gold and jewels were valuable? Come on lady. But really man, you've got to hear her voice! I can't explain it. Maybe like if a balloon could talk while you were slowly letting air out of it? It's terrible. She's like a sonic weapon.

Other than that, I suppose if you're in need of some cash...

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Thursday, May 15, 2008

Bill O'Reilly Flip Out Remix

I came across this video and thought it was pretty funny. It's an edited video of Bill O'Reilly flipping out on set. It's obviously not recent but it was a nice edit and pretty funny. You have and watch and listen. Definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

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McCain Thinks Humans and Fish Can Coexist Too

This probably isn't all that funny but it made me laugh. Senator John McCain was talking about global warming when he had the following to say: "You would think that if the polar bears, walruses, and sea birds have the good sense to respond to new conditions and new dangers, then humanity can respond as well."

Does John McCain also think that humans and fish can coexist peacefully? I like all the comparisons to animals. We should always follow what the fish, polar bears, walruses and sea birds do and life would be better. By the way, what is a sea bird? Is it a group of birds like sea gulls and pelicans?

All I can say is that I hope all of our future presidential candidates base their policies on what the cool animals are doing.

I saw the clip on the Daily Show last night (quote at about 2:18 in), check out the video:

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Carlos Mencia Sucks

The other week I saw a commercial on Comedy Central for a Carlos Mencia comedy speck. Notice that I’m not linking to his website, MySpace or anything else. That is because he SUCKS. Have you ever seen him tell a joke? He’s soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.

I’m not the only person that thinks this. Just google “carlos mencia sucks” or something similar and see what comes up. I’ve seen some articles/blogs that are more than three years old talking about this. I think may 80% of his “jokes” either end up with him yelling “beaner” or something about retarded people it a stupid voice. Ugh I don’t think I can even get across how ridiculously irritating and stupid he is. I cannot believe that he has a show?

CARLOS! You look stupid, you sound stupid, and your “jokes” are stupid. You’ve got to go. If ever we needed a comic to overdose on something now’s the time.

Carlos Mencia sucks…even more than Tyler Hansbroughs face…but not as much as ladies with mustaches.

For your viewing pleasure you can watch this argument between Joe Rogan and Mencia in front of a live audience.

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The New Axis of Evil

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the new Axis of Evil.

You might ask why former WWE superstar Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il and the Pope (or former Pope, RIP) are the new Axis of Evil. Well, upon researching Interpol, an international police organization it seems that the only countries that are not members are North Korea, a bunch of Pacific Island Nations, and the Vatican City. We can only assume the Jimmy Snuka is from some sort of island nation. You can see who else isn't a member here. You be the judge...

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Monday, May 12, 2008

Who’s that guy jumping off the balcony into the pool?

That man, ladies and gentlemen, is Tyler Hansbrough. Tyler Hansbrough is an All American basketball player at the University of North Carolina. What that means is that he is most likely a first round pick in the NBA draft, and what that means is that he’s just about guaranteed to become an instant millionaire.

So what’s this guy this doing jumping into pools? Isn’t that dangerous? Couldn’t that jeopardize his future? The answer of course is yes. But there’s another relevant argument here. Tyler Hansbrough is in college. Tyler Hansbrough did something that’s stupid. I bet the majority of people would admit that they’ve done something stupid in college. Some might argue that that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.

People here are complaining that Tyler is part of the UNC team and the college and owes it to them not to do things like that. He plays a sport, and it’s not even a professional sport. So what are people saying? He can’t have any fun if fans think it’s dangerous? Should he be held to a higher standard because he plays a game on TV weekly?

If I was almost guaranteed millions of dollars simply depending on my health, I probably wouldn’t be jumping off balconies into. Other than that, yeah, I probably would. But come on, leave the guy alone. He’s just having fun. Yeah it was stupid but he doesn’t owe anything to anyone. Let’s lay off people and stop picking at them in public.

I wonder what everyone thinks. Does he deserve his freedom to do what he wants or does he owe something to the UNC basketball team and fans?

On a side note, stupid does follow him around though. Just look at his face. It looks like he doesn’t know where he is and is using all his energy just to stand. He’s got what I like to call “permanent broken nose face,” that’s just what it looks like to me -- looks like he can't close his mouth. If you see him, make fun of his face.

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Saturday, May 10, 2008

Ladies, You Know You Have A Mustache

Yesterday I was on my way home when I happened across a sight that I've seen many times before...a woman with a mustache. Now this woman didn't have a little bit of hair, it was not blond hair, it was black hair like a teenage boy might have. I've seen this many times before and I just can't understand how this could happen. Are you unaware that you have a giant unsightly swath of hair on your upper lip? Sometimes it seriously make me wonder if the person is a man or a woman. I know you have to see it! I just don't understand why you leave it there. Ladies, if you think you have a little bit of hair on you lip...then you do! And that means that everyone else can see it as well. Jesus Christ man, shave it, wax it, pluck it. Do whatever it takes but just get rid of it. When you're 50 and combing your mustache wondering why you've never even been on a date, well, I think you know the answer.

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Thursday, May 8, 2008

Walk of No Shame

This morning a friend of my forwarded me a link of Amp's Walk of No Shame promoting Amp Energy Drink. I thought it was pretty funny (I especially like the woman in the Bridesmaid dress) but thought it might be a little risque for some folks. But then again those people are not the target here. Apparently the ad was shown during UFC's Ultimate Fighter which is very likely the perfect audience for them. Check it our and enjoy (or not).

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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Humans and Fish can Coexist Peacefully

Late last night after watching the results of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries I flipped over to the Colbert Report. Stephen Colbert was doing a bit on President Bush with a few clips including one that I find ridiculously hilarious where he says "I know that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully" which simply made me lose it. So, for your viewing pleasure I've posted a video of a few Bush quotes, including the glorious fish quote below. But first, a little poem I found here made up entirely of Bush quotes:

Make the Pie Higher

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

And now the video:

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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Digging for Santogold

I'm digging Santogold right now, check out her MySpace page for some songs. For those that don't know, Santogold is a musician. I suggest checking out "Shove It" - I wish I could explain her style but you'll just have to check it out on your own. Video of L.E.S. Artistes below.

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Election and Gas Tax

Well this post is a little different from yesterdays, but that's what this blog is about. So here we go...

Here we are, at yet another presidential primary and there's little to say that's positive. Let us remember that all three candidates have teams of professionals who are crafting their images and their voices so everything should be taken with a grain of salt. But what is it that they are putting out there to the public?

John McCain, to me, seems to come off well. I just don't agree with many of his or his parties ideologies. I feel that he is a good senator and a great asset to the American government and feel that McCain will do what he thinks is in the best interest for the United States and the people. It's just that what McCain thinks is best and what I think is best aren't usually the same. It does look to me though that McCain has the edge in this election overall.

Barack Obama is cast as a young new pioneer who can bring change to the US (whatever change that may be). To me, Obama sounds like a straight talker and someone who does not have all the ties and corruptions that often way down many politicians. It's true he doesn't have the experience of the other candidates (though I don't think Hillary has an enormous amount where it counts either), but I think he's the right guy at the right time. I truly believe that he wants to be President for the right reasons. I hope Obama can lead us where we need to be.

Hillary Clinton though...I just don't care for her. I am a New Yorker and I don't like that fact that she just decided to up and move to New York and claim to be a New Yorker. Okay, fine, it's all about politics and career advancement and NY is a great platform, I get that. What I do have a problem with is when she claims to be a diehard fan of NY sports teams, claiming she lost her voice after rooting for the Giants and the like, though that's more of a personal peeve. Hillary though has often resorted to whatever it takes to win, which while you can argue that is a good thing because she's a fighter she comes off negative no matter what it is that she does. And while I liked Bill's just that, I liked Bill Clinton. It doesn't mean I have to like Hillary. I personally feel that she's in the race for legacy, not for the betterment of the United States.

Now let me just throw in a little bit about this proposed "gas tax relief plan." McCain and Clinton back it. Obama and I do not. I don't see gas prices coming down, so any federal tax relief here will only hurt the economy more in my opinion. If gas reached $5 will you buy it? Would you not then buy gas at $5.18? The effect on the wallets of most Americans will be minimal, but the effect of losing that income to the government will be disastrous (okay, maybe not disastrous) and will do more harm in the long run. This looks like a ploy by the candidates to me to say "Hey America I'm just like you, look I'm helping you out!" and win some votes with "blue collar America." This is an example of doing something for professional and/or personal advancement, not the betterment of America. Obama, I applaud you for not supporting this.

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Monday, May 5, 2008

#1 Post - Stupid Face Rings

Well well well, I finally decided to post here. Without getting into what this whole blog is really about (whatever I want really), here's my first rant:

Ok, what's with all these face piercings? Specifically those ones that are either above or below the lip slightly to the left or right.

Really what are these for? Whenever I see them they're always on people who are "stylish" or at least pretending/trying too hard to be. And I've seen it on people ranging in age 15-30 (I'm being approximate with my guesses here). However, THEY LOOK STUPID! This is beyond a tongue ring or an eyebrow piercing, this is a metal shard putting a hole in your face for no reason. It's not even punk or a statement. Someone said "Hey this is the cool thing to do" and people did it. Really what is this fashion statement trying to prove.

Hey, you know what I heard is the cool new thing? Jumping into volcanoes. You here that metal faced go take your sideways peace sign self pics.

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