Hot Coffee On The Subway

This morning I was one the subway, or should I say crammed into a subway car. It was completely packed. And what do I see in front of me, when I can't even lift up my arms? A guy attempting to drink Dunkin Donuts Coffee.

I don't understand why people buy coffee just to bring it on the subway. Can't you just get it at work or school or wherever you're going? Why do people think "Hmm I should get a scalding hot beverage and carry it with me for 20+ minutes in a packed space where no one can move, that's a good idea." Come on, what the F. Seriously, who thinks that? You can't drink it, you have to hold it, and you may even spill it on someone. And if you spill it on me I'll knock your block off. These are probably the same people who make awesome decisions like taking the elevator to the 2nd floor or bringing bikes on the subway.

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I Hate Preggers

I hate the word "preggers." As in someone stating that someone else is or looks as if they are pregnant, as in "Wow she's preggers." I'm not sure I can think of a word that irritates me as much as this.

This isn't even shortening a word or creating a slang term to hide the meaning from someone. It's just deciding to create some mashed word that looks the same, means the same thing, has the same number of letters and syllables, but for some reason is a new word. There is zero purpose to this word usage.

I heard that if you use the word you're 10x more likely to get thrown in front of a train. Seriously do not ever use this word.

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IKEA

If you do any of the following:
- take a day off work
- call in sick
- wait in any form of line
- sleep outside

to be the first to shop in a new IKEA, someone should saw your face off.

Really? People are skipping things and waiting in line for the opportunity to spend their money on furniture. Does no one see how stupid this is?

This week new IKEA opened in Brooklyn (in a part that's about as inaccessible as you can get) and I've been hearing/reading stories about people who waited in line/camped out/skipped work so they could go. Come on! There one not that far in NJ and one on Long Island, so why is this such a big deal? Yeah it's nice that it's there but seriously it does not warrant this much attention. It blows my mind.

Choke on a meatball furniture waiting fools.

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Bikes on the Subway

Why do people insist on bringing bikes onto the subway? A bike is for transportation juts like a subway. So it's a little confusing to me when you have to combine them. Where are these people going that carrying a bike down stairs, through a gate, cramming it on a crowded train, carrying it through another gate and then back up the stairs is easier than just riding it there? Did you mistake a bike for a suitcase somehow?

NYC is not that big, where are you coming from or going to that you just can’t use the bike or the train? It’s especially irritating when I see people decked out in stupid bike gear and get on the subway with me and then get off with me like five stops later. That’s EXACTLY what the bike is for and they even dressed for it! COME ON!!! Bikes can go anywhere that the train can. You’re not going over mountains, you don’t have to swim through water so just get on the goddamn bike to where your going.

Stop taking up room for five people, and especially stop bringing bikes on the subway during rush hour. I wish I could drive my car into the subway and be like “Oh I’m just getting off soon, there was traffic, hope I’m not taking up too much room.” Seriously. Think about what you’re doing.

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Stop Celebrity Name Mashups

Dear Guy Who Creates Celebrity Couple Name Mashups,

If you ever create another couple mashup name like "brangelina" or "tomkat" I will come find you and smash your face in. Seriously, it's the most annoying thing ever. I've seen things where they'll take two people's names and just remove spaces from in between them, let's say Tiffany Smith and Alex Johnson and they'll be like "oh their new name is alexandtiffaayjohnsonsmith." Really? This is very irritating to me and it's got to stop.

I'm pretty sure that you are single-handedly destroying society. If you continue to do this I hope you fall onto a pile a searing hot rusty things.

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Who’s that guy jumping off the balcony into the pool?

That man, ladies and gentlemen, is Tyler Hansbrough. Tyler Hansbrough is an All American basketball player at the University of North Carolina. What that means is that he is most likely a first round pick in the NBA draft, and what that means is that he’s just about guaranteed to become an instant millionaire.

So what’s this guy this doing jumping into pools? Isn’t that dangerous? Couldn’t that jeopardize his future? The answer of course is yes. But there’s another relevant argument here. Tyler Hansbrough is in college. Tyler Hansbrough did something that’s stupid. I bet the majority of people would admit that they’ve done something stupid in college. Some might argue that that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.

People here are complaining that Tyler is part of the UNC team and the college and owes it to them not to do things like that. He plays a sport, and it’s not even a professional sport. So what are people saying? He can’t have any fun if fans think it’s dangerous? Should he be held to a higher standard because he plays a game on TV weekly?

If I was almost guaranteed millions of dollars simply depending on my health, I probably wouldn’t be jumping off balconies into. Other than that, yeah, I probably would. But come on, leave the guy alone. He’s just having fun. Yeah it was stupid but he doesn’t owe anything to anyone. Let’s lay off people and stop picking at them in public.

I wonder what everyone thinks. Does he deserve his freedom to do what he wants or does he owe something to the UNC basketball team and fans?

On a side note, stupid does follow him around though. Just look at his face. It looks like he doesn’t know where he is and is using all his energy just to stand. He’s got what I like to call “permanent broken nose face,” that’s just what it looks like to me -- looks like he can't close his mouth. If you see him, make fun of his face.

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#1 Post - Stupid Face Rings

Well well well, I finally decided to post here. Without getting into what this whole blog is really about (whatever I want really), here's my first rant:


Ok, what's with all these face piercings? Specifically those ones that are either above or below the lip slightly to the left or right.

Really what are these for? Whenever I see them they're always on people who are "stylish" or at least pretending/trying too hard to be. And I've seen it on people ranging in age 15-30 (I'm being approximate with my guesses here). However, THEY LOOK STUPID! This is beyond a tongue ring or an eyebrow piercing, this is a metal shard putting a hole in your face for no reason. It's not even punk or a statement. Someone said "Hey this is the cool thing to do" and people did it. Really what is this fashion statement trying to prove.

Hey, you know what I heard is the cool new thing? Jumping into volcanoes. You here that metal faced folks...now go take your sideways peace sign self pics.

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